your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
