I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
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do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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