he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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