But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
