I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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