Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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