Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
