My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
