a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
