There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
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