Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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