Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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