how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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