I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I am naked and annoyed.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
