Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
