Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
