I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Who died my cat blue again?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
