I can text with my tongue
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm determined to sit on that face.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Text me some of your sweat
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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