Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
