I accidentally had phone sex last night
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
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