you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
