if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
