Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
