my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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