Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
