I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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