it was like his penis was on wheels.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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