You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
