and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
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He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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