You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
