The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
