HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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