we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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