I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
