Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
