When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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