i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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