Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
