i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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