Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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