Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
