called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
