We named our party play list daddy issues
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
