Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize