I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize
