note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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