he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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