I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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