You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
