The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
