lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
