I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just puked most of my soul out..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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