I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
