Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
