He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize