My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
