TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize