I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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