DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
