he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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