Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i barfeds in our rink
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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