I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
