Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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