one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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