The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
